Happy birthday to my daughter

Happy Birthday Holly Jean And on the day December 10, 1982
God blessed me with you, Holly
and my life has never been the same.
your entrance into the world was not an easy one for you
or for me, born with pneumonia from swallowing
the fluid, and ingesting it into your lungs,
I was not able to hold you, but to my joy,
and comfort to us both, I was allowed to hold
your tiny hand, through a hole in the incubator,
you were determined and so strong, and the day
the nurse told me I could hold you in my arms
was a truly happy day for me!!!! What a miracle you are
right from the start!!!
I am so grateful for the beautiful daughter you are
for your kind heart, for your laughter, and your voice
the way you look at life, and the way you look at love
and now, the way you look at your daughter, as I looked at
you in your infancy, with wonder and amazement.
What a loving mother you are, and a wonderful wife to your
husband. I am so tenderly touched, by everything I know of
you. I am so grateful for everything you share with me,
about your life. And the words you wrote to me, as a young
child, I write back to you on your birthday, and they are forever written on my heart.........
I love you so much, I never let you off my mind

Robin Watercolors

First Robin watercolor 14 x 11













New Robin Watercolor 8x6
These watercolors are laminated and fit into trays
In Memory of Robin

Look!!!!!! there is Life In The Pit

First there are the zinnia's
and now there is him....Had I just walked by and not looked in, I would never have seen the life ie the zinnia's growing and blooming, and today the baby toad :)We must not allow fear to stop our discovery We must just look, in the dark corners, the deep recesses, the covered up places, the hidden shame, internalized shame, we have carried for so long, Is it even ours to carry? We need to look and examine the dark pits, and bring what we find into the light. to see it for what it is, to feel what that means...and to let it Go........It was never ours to bear.
Today I let go of shame ~ from the book that is becoming Kim ;)

Empathy

We find all the identification we need as we learn to understand and speak the language of empathy. To understand this special language, we listen with our hearts. The language of empathy uses few words; it feels more than it speaks. It doesn’t preach or lecture—it listens. It can reach out and touch the spirit of another addict without a single spoken word. ~ From Just For Today~

and the word...empathy- the experiencing as one's own of the feelings of another; also: the capacity for this

Heavenly Father's communication to me

Rescued From The Pit,..... Beauty Born of Adversity

Renewal

Miracles are surprises that come upon us because God's will for us is more creative and far reaching in its renewal than anything we can think of. ~ Touchstones~

This part of a daily meditation stands out to me, and calls to mind of a renewal that I just witnessed..... A large hole was dug in my yard, It really upset me this pit!, It seemed to me to really make my yard ugly and looked like the upheaval of my life was evident everywhere. I would find myself angry that when this pit was dug, this abyss, all of my zinnia's that I had planted this year, were destroyed in this process, that is all but one plant remained, I looked at it hopeless, and just let it die. I would always go to this pit and look into it, time and time again, there I would be looking into the hole.....so one day I look in, and to my absolute joy!!!!growing in the ugliness.....one perfect zinnia with a bud!!!!!out of the pit!!!! out of the doom, beauty.....pure and simple and true, perfectly beautiful, so every time I looked in after that I was beholding the zinnia and took no notice of the ugly pit! The other day I decided to rescue this miracle flower, fearing the day the dirt would be piled onto it, and that day it was in full bloom and to my wonderment another tiny plant had come up near by it. So both were rescued and planted into pots, and I am happy to say are both doing well, and even the new tiny plant had one perfect flower on it today......So I look at it all this way, God does give back to us what we have lost, maybe not in the exact same package, maybe this time in a wonderfully renewed form, and yes far beyond what we might have hoped for.......What a truly magnificent manifestation of his power, and his symbolism in nature, and especially in the way He communicates to each of us personally......If our hearts and minds are open.

Emotions....

Anger exists when particular conditions in our lives are not met as we had hoped.

We can get free of our anger, if we choose to take action appropriate to it. anger can be a healthy prompter of action, when no action is taken, ANGER turns INWARD, negatively influencing our PERCEPTIONS of all experiences, of human interaction.

perception- awareness of one's environment through physical sensation

Today I will Remember........

Today I will......... remember that I am powerless over others, today I will let each individual be who they are and remember each is a beloved son or daughter of our Heavenly Father. I will try to see them through the eyes of God, look at them as he sees them. I will remember that I have a right to my beliefs and allow them the same. Today I will not be judgmental or critical of myself or others. today I will remember to..........Let go and Let God
From the book of what is becoming Kim :D

Each Day's Newness

The only lessons that matter for our lives at this time will come to us today. Just as what we needed and were ready for yesterday came yesterday, tomorrow insures more of the same. Concerning ourselves with any other moment but the present prevents us from responding when "the teacher appears."

In years gone by, we perhaps hung onto yesterday's problems. We may still struggle to hang onto them. Or perhaps we try to see too far ahead. But we are learning that there is a right time for all growth. A right time for all experiences. And the right time may not fit our timetable. What doesn't come our way today, will come when the time is right. Each day we are granted just what is needed. We need not worry about the future. It will offer us whatever rightly comes next, but it can't do so until we have experienced these 24 hours before us.

There is wonder and joy awaiting me, each day. The growth I experience is just what is needed at this time. I am a student, and the teacher will appear.~ From the daily meditation Each Day A new Beginning

Conflict

I call this painting Conflict, because that is what it was to me
I couldn't wrap my mind around buildings and nature.
I was working it out for a mural, which I have now decided not to do, perhaps it was the conflict in me and not the painting after all.

Bearing Testimony

And the word for the day is
~ Acceptance- the act of acknowledging the truth of
Today is fast and testimony Sunday
I bore my testimony of the truth of The Book Of Mormon
As I sat there listening to the testimonies, I felt a stirring within
I continued to listen, and the feeling grew stronger....
I recognized it as the spirit prompting me to get up...
It continued ever stronger, and I was unable now to listen...
I found myself getting up and walking towards the front
my mind was searching for what I would say.........
I motioned someone to go before me and his strong spirit started to calm my pounding heart.......
I didn't hear his words it was his spirit,
and I started to pray and asked my Heavenly Father what he would have me say,
and asked him to give me what to say........
my hands were shaking, but the words came out
I talked of a scripture I had been working on memorizing
how I had come upon it while reading my chapter that day
how I stopped at that scripture, and wrote it out as many times as it took for me to memorize it
that when I thought I had it memorized, got on my knees to pray........
and quoting it to my Heavenly Father, I again stumbled, I reached for my scriptures,
and checked it where I had stumbled, It read And if men come unto me......
Yes that is the first part, I will show unto them their weakness..... that was it!!! I was saying I will show unto him my weakness, in that prayer He was showing me it was He, who would show me , not me showing him my weakness.....
and here the scripture Ether12:27
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness;
I give unto men weakness, that they may be humble;
and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me;
and if they humble themselves before me; and have faith in me;
then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I also testified of how the Book of Mormon and the Bible are both the word of God, and that the same spirit is found in both. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ. I also testified that the missionaries found me; how God gathers his children;
and this missionary after he baptized me; was sent home
He found, taught and baptized me.... that was the end of his mission
I will forever be grateful to him
I thank my Heavenly Father for gathering me
I thank all the people in the church who have been so good to me
one family in particular the Goodsteins, have always been there for me
I closed my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ Amen
If anyone is interested in The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints you may want to check out this site, www.mormon.org

Today I will feel the fear and do it anyway :)
My Heavenly Father is with me always
I am right where I should be, right now
I am doing the next right thing.....

Painted Sunflower and the sun will shine tomorrow

I am staying positive, by looking at my painted sunflower, I am happy, even though I am sad, I know tomorrow the sun will shine, at least some point in the day :) my aching heart is only for today because it is Sunday, and like Johnny Cash sings there is something in a Sunday that makes the body feel alone.My daughter Holly is due today July 26th to have her first child, and I want so much to be there around the corner waiting...... not way far away like I am. She is having a girl and her name is Lainey Jane. My daughter Jill is having her third child on August 31 and she too is having a girl and her name is Ehvinn Grace, Jill

came up with this name herself, like Heaven she told me.

My heart filled with joy and love when I heard her sweet voice

say it so softly. Sometimes I hear in my heart, Why are you here?

especially when I talk to my girls, and they are so far away

I am filled with aching and longing to go back and stand by

what I always said.....that I would never leave the state where they are.

but I can't do that, so I will trust I am today where I am supposed to be......

why..... I don't know, perhaps the reason will manifest, perhaps not

maybe one day will find me living near my daughters again

and this will have all been a dream......or seem like it.......

8 YEARS HIGHER POWERED

Today eight years ago I got sober. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.This particular morning I awoke with a beer beside my bed, and even drank from it,I always took one to bed, whether I finished it or not, and when I got up my back felt numb, I had been given a bottle of pills from someone who picked me up hitchhiking the night before, didn't know what they were, just looking to get high. I had taken several, and drank heavily. I always drank heavily,I couldn't get enough. This numbness really scared me, I had no idea how many pills I had taken or much recollection of the night before. This time I had really hit bottom, and the only way to go was up, so down on my knees I went and pleaded to God for help. I got up and immediately dumped the bottle of pills down the toilet, this was real, I would never throw pills away. A weight had been lifted from me immediately. It is kind of a blur from there, as I found myself going to meetings every night and really embracing this new way of life. I didn't look back, I wanted this with all my heart! I did what I could,I asked God to strengthen me in my weakness.

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me,and have faith in me,then will I make weak things become strong unto them. Ether 12:27

I didn't pick up and went to meetings. I read and studied the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learned a lot about myself from this book, I learned how to deal with what I discovered. I got a sponsor and worked the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I went to church and my life was filled with a newness, a bright hope. Days went by running into each other as each twenty four hours by the Grace of God, I came out of them sober. I know I was carried through that first week, He truly does the rest when we do our best! I am testifying that to you now, that he knows when we do our best because He takes over from there. We are not perfect in ourselves, but we can become perfect in Him, just by doing what we can do, and when He does his part, He completes it, we are perfect in Him. We can do no more, it is done. He has done for us what we could not do for ourselves.Now we stay the course, using the tools we have been given in A.A, improving everyday our conscious contact with our Higher Power, and asking for his will for us and the power to carry that out, and we don't pick up for any reason. There is never a reason to pick up, that is not an option for me any more.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality- safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.- Big Book of A.A-
There is nothing that my Heavenly Father and I can't get through together. I am grateful for my sobriety today and every day. I do what I can do, and leave the rest to my Heavenly Father. He never lets me down. I will never leave thee nor forsake thee, He said it, He is the source of Truth, Beauty and Light. I say these things in the name of My Higher power, my Savior, My Lord,and my God, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Loving my Daughter from the start........

Happy Birthday Jill Elizabeth
I hope your day brings you the most wonderful surprises
The most JOY, the most LOVE
I am remembering the many hours it took for you to get here
I am remembering the ice storm
the valentine cupcake
mostly I remember a beautiful wrapped up gift from God
laid in my arms for the first time
with long dark hair and dark dark eyes
and the most perfect little mouth
and I was thinking, she is mine, this is her, this is who I have been waiting all these months to come. It was like a dream
she is mine, I get to take her home!
Happy Birthday Jill I love you

Your Pain

is the breaking

of the shell

that encloses

your understanding

-Kahil Gibran-

Raining In My Heart

Here is the painting, I call it, Raining In My Heart

Here is what you said............

THE FIGURE STRIKES ME AS A CONTEMPLATIVE MAN, UMBRELLA UP, BUT ONLY A DRIZZLE REMAINS AFTER A HEAVY RAIN (THE BLACK DOWNWARD STROKES TO THE RIGHT APPEAR TO REPRESENT A GOODLY AMOUNT OF WATER STILL DRIPPING FROM A BRANCH.) I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND WHETHER HE IS TROUBLED WITH HIS THOUGHTS OR JUST TAKING A PEACEFUL STROLL??? Dolly

Rene is heading home to his usual dinner of late (since his wife left him) of a simple plate of Gruyere, boiled egg, roasted fennel and bread which he tears into bite sized pieces and eats as he gazes out his kitchen window in hopes of her return.Au Revoir, Amy

i think the little guy's obviously not too happy, guessing by the grayness of everything around him. i dont think he's seeing much of the worlds wonders right now, he's sort of stuck in his own little gray world, not really knowing where he's going at all, metaphorically speaking of coarse. Ben
Hey Kim,I think the man is least significant in the picture.He is the opposite of all that surrounds him. He is passing through.Trees, Stone or asphalt streets,buildings and the sky are permanent,or semi-permanent. He is fleeting they are staying.Its alot bigger than him.xoxo Cathy
My name is Mr. Smith, It is here that I take solitude in my day, recapping my day's thinking. Everything that went on today,everything that I still have to do. Every thing that I would like to do. Yet I find the wet cold dark night a blanket to the very thought of now. How lucky I am to have the job,and to be done with my day and to have this small space in time to call my own,safe under my umbrella.I'm going home to my humble castle,where I'll make a homemade chicken soup,with warm biscuits. I'll unclothe and get into the comforts of my sweats. I'll build a fire in my fire place and snugggle in with the new book I bought. I look forward to this time of day. I love my long walk home each day and....Libby
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone….Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, and this time she’s gone to stay. And I know I know I know I know….(man in the picture) John

I think he is late for work, he is a business man in a suit and is walking very fast to get there. Jill

He had been walking forever it seemed. Walking and thinking, watching the rain fly off the tips of his shoes. Why hadn't he taken the car in and had it looked at. Now he was miles from where he left it and miles from where he had to be. No one was out. Too rainy, too dismal for walkers. Walking and walking, well he needed time to think anyway, thinking of what had happened that week. He wasn't sure why he had been so jumpy. Why did he let this build up all week, this ball inside him. Walking and walking, he looked up. Crap, where am I? How did I get here? Which way should I go? On one side it looked so bleak, almost like an abandoned street, the other way was more alive. He turned , hoping he was right. Lost for sure, but hoping he was right.Stacey

I'm a person that likes color. However, I can appreciate something in black and white. It's artistic. It tells its own story and really sets a tone and a mood for what is being portrayed. However, you called the painting "Raining in my Heart." I automatically felt sad when I read that title. I'm not sure what is causing the rain in the man's heart or if you are even referring to the man's heart and not someone else's, for that matter. But when I look at the tree, I automatically want to see green! The street is probably black and wet from the rain. The buildings are probably brown and dingy red brick with gray. The sky is probably gray from the storm. The man is a business man with a black trench coat and probably a black umbrella.



But the one thing in that painting that I noticed was that you didn't portray the tree as a sad and gray, leafless twig. You painted leaves! Leaves are green and beautiful. I imagine this as a rainy, spring day. The season of the start of new life! The tree is just starting to grow leaves, again. It is starting new life. Even though most of the world around the man is sad and gray, he looks up at the tree and sees new life. He sees the small green leaves as a glimmer of new life and a glimmer of hope in his sad world on that day.



The message that I get from the painting is that even though it may be raining in your heart sometimes, there is always something to look forward to! There is always something to focus on that can make you happy and get you through the day. For the man, it was the green leaves. They inspired him to look at the positive and look through the rain to see the sun that tomorrow will bring. He might have had a harsh winter. He may have lost a loved one, lost his job, felt lonely, etc... But when he saw the green leaves starting to peak out from the tree, it signified to him the start of new life. It inspired him to start HIS new life...to leave the past in the past and start this new season with a new attitude. The dreary days will soon be gone and the sun will shine! Holly Jean

In Memory of Steve

Up All Night Painting

First hour of 2009

Happy New Year

Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant, there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is the important thing
- Georgia O'Keefe-